Vol 6 Chapter 7 (1/2)
Chapter 7: Wings
Utterly unaware of the events that had engulfed Naoe in Nikkou, Takaya had spentthe streets of Kabuki Town
As the ornaave way to the dawn of a tawdry reality in shi+njuku, the ‘Nightless City,’ Takaya awoke in a spacious hotel room
His last ht in Kabuki Town Disoriented from sleep, he was disoriented even further to find himself in an unfamiliar place He sat up abruptly on the bed
—And h his body
“O”
The students using hi had certainly left him a few marks to remember them by Takaya looked dazedly around the roo to subside
(Where the hell am I?)
“You’re awake”
The h it was not yet fully light outside, he could see the Meiji Jinguu forests as dawn suffused the far horizon with a purple glow He finally realized that he was in a hotel room—a room in one of the upper-class hotels in western shi+njuku, in fact Takaya blinked
“Are you sober now?”
“Huh? um, yeah”
The ht roohts He reminded Takaya of the kind of actor as typically cast in detective draentler
“You must be thirsty Let me see if there’s any water”
“”
His watch told him that it was almost five This ht hi was now on the bed, and Takaya suddenly noticed that the traarette box had been placed beside his pillow
“It’s so his thoughts “You should cut back on the sood for you”
“Who”
“Coe Would you like one?”
Takaya cli roon hadn’t convinced him of the likely expense of these rooms, the unearthly view from the ould have Thethe cork from a bottle of mineral water
“Is so the matter?”
“Ahno” The man’s question jolted Takaya out of his frozen reverie, and he scratched his head eiven you a lot of trouble”
“Don’t worry about it,” the ht you here because I wanted to You weren’t planning to go hoht?”
“”
The , “Who do those cigarettes belong to? A friend?”
“Friend” Takayahis head “No Not a friend”
“Thenwhat?”
He turned the question over in his mind Yes, what? What was he to Takaya?
(Myvassal?)
That was certainly one answer—an answer for the part of hii Takaya? What was he then?
As Takaya stood there thinking, unable to come up with an answer, the man touched the heart of the question: “But it’s someone very important to you?”
“Iive a damn about somebody like that? He could disappear tomorrow and I wouldn’t even notice It’s not like I asked hi me around—”
“”
“he’s just using me anyway” Takaya trailed off, eyes darkened with e to the floor The man studied hihts After aused, aren’t I? They saw soe and they took it”
The hter and set the bottle in his hand down on the table
“What is it?”
“I just felt really stupid all of a sudden It’s not like , is it? There’s really no point in thinking about it at all”
“”
“I actually thought he neededhe said, everything he did, that was all for Kagetora He just wantspisses me off”
Maybe he wasn’t as sober as he’d thought The words kept pouring out, and he couldn’t sees under control
Tear drew glistening trails down Takaya’s face beneath the hand that hid his eyes Tears fro else? Takaya continued to shake with mirth
“I get it now I’m just a substitute Aren’t I? I think I always knew it I’ve been worrying over nothing all this time It was all just hter in his voice
“I a kid”
“”
“He was protecting ‘Kagetora,’ and I knew it, but I wanted to believe he was doing it for me When he was kind, when he trusted etora’ I only pretended it was me because I’m a conceited idiot I’ I’es me a little That’s why!” Bitterness filled his voice “—I never should have letelse! Why did he have to be so desperate to protect me? Why did he have to be so kind? Why did he have to look at me like that? It made me think it made me think But none of it was for me”
The azed at hi as he tried to cal down on the sofa
“Who are you speaking of?”
“”
“The owner of these cigarettes?”
Takaya smiled tiredly at the question “They only smell like him”
“How do you know?”
“”
Takaya’s face darkened in self-scorn, and he laughed again bitterly “I’ all these stupid hopes as soon as somebody turns to look at o and think, ’Maybe I can trust hiht to open up to hi hts I was constantly terrified that he ht throw me away The truth is”
“”
“Why does he have to be so different?” Takaya closed his eyes “Why did he have to go and get all torn up protecting a kid who’s got nothing to give hi to protect me, and it scared me So I put up walls between us, I pushed him away, but he”
“”
“No matter how hard I pushed, he wouldn’t leave Anyone else would’ve just given up, but not him He always came back He was always there And that terrified me, because I started to think that uard my back I could never trust anybody, always had to look for enemies from every direction, but it wears you down, you know?”
“”
“I started to hope that uard all the timebut at the sa shot in the back”
Takaya’s gaze fixed on the“It wasn’t betrayal that I was afraid of Because if he wanted to cut ht with that I’ It’s just that if he was going to throw me away anyway, then betrayal wouldn’t have mattered”
“”
The reeain
“It was enough for me just to have somebody there at my back But he’s such a fool that he wanted to protect ”
“Fro?”
“Yeah All ofNot like a shi+eld, but”
He saw the familiar face in his mind’s eye
“like wings Gigantic bird’s wings Enfoldinginside those wingsutless punk, just a kid who can’t stop wanting it all, and as soon as I felt that war I never had, so like an idiot I”
Longed for it
For the one who had appeared in his life offering it with both hands The one he never wanted to leave Never wanted to lose Selfish as it was, arrogant as it was, he no longer kne to live without it That hy!
“I can’t go forward, and I can’t go back! How could I have gotten this weak? Just because I had hi abandoned, of hi! No matter what he does to o!”
Takaya shook, teeth gritted and fists clenched, unable now to hold back the wild outpouring of words and emotions
“I can’t understand hi How the hell was I supposed to react, when I don’t understand anything? All I saas his pain and his suffering, and all I kneas that it was because of me!”
Tears blurred his vision He scowled fiercely, pressing his hands hard against his eyes, trying to hold theh by the arrow-sharp memories of that day, by the look in Naoe’s eyes, full of accusation and hatred for a Takaya who could not understand his pain Who could not understand the heart of atrails down his cheeks as he pressed all his stifled, violent emotions into Takaya’s lips, breathed them into his mouth
Why couldn’t he understand?
Who was Takaya to him?
What was it he’d been trying to make Takaya understand?
“What do you want fro his eyes “What was it you wanted me to do?”
“Hey”
Thesuddenly that Takaya was no longer speaking to him, half-stood
“The things you said, the things you did, hoas I supposed to respond? What did you want fro me for? Why do you hate me?!”
“Hey, what’s—”
“What did I do to etora’ is the one you see, never me I’m just a substitute for hiance, whatever I do! I’ I do matters!”
“Hey!”
“I don’t get you! Why won’t you just tell ! I can’tdamn it! damn all of this!”
The htly, and Takaya clutched at his arht in the turbulence of his emotions
—How he needed so to!
“What should I do?!”
He grasped at the ar to restrain his emotions as they shot fro for an answer
“Whatshould I”
“”