Part 26 (1/2)

It was nearly seven. Thea had been awake for what felt like a week by the time Minnie in full make-up allowed Alexa to usher her into the interview chair.

Luke sat in his, straightened his tie and flashed her the legendary Norton smile. Minnie looked right through him. Luke cleared his throat.

'OK,' said Thea, 'lights, camera-'

Dring, dring. Dring, dring.

'Oh my G.o.d I have to get this!' Minnie bolted across the room and s.n.a.t.c.hed her phone out of Leanne's hand. 'h.e.l.looo? Oh hi, bunny rabbit. Yeah, I'm really really well. The baby is adorable, thank you, yes! I know, he well. The baby is adorable, thank you, yes! I know, he does does look a bit like me. Weird, isn't it? Though G.o.d, changing diapers is the pits. I mean, of course, Rosalita does most of them but... uh, huh, uh, huh... So did you hear about Lily? Uh huh. Uh huh.' look a bit like me. Weird, isn't it? Though G.o.d, changing diapers is the pits. I mean, of course, Rosalita does most of them but... uh, huh, uh, huh... So did you hear about Lily? Uh huh. Uh huh.'

Everyone looked at their watches, but Minnie was oblivious. Ten minutes pa.s.sed, then fifteen. The chatter continued until suddenly: 'Nicole? She's coming? But you know how I feel about her. No, forget it.'

She flung her phone on to the floor. 'b.l.o.o.d.y Nicole,'

324.

she said to the room at large. No one dared answer. Minnie stood up and headed towards the bedroom. 'I've got a headache, I need to lie down.'

'Don't worry,' a panicked Leanne said to Thea. 'I'll go and talk to her.'

She was gone for half an hour. Raised voices could be heard. Finally, a battle-weary Leanne emerged.

'She'd like a word with you,' she said to Thea and Luke.

In the bedroom, Minnie was curled up in an armchair, her twenty-thousand-dollar gown replaced by a towelling dressing gown. At the sight of them, she groaned.

'Do I have to talk to them now? I feel really sick.'

'No, no, Minnie, of course not.' Leanne sounded like a doctor about to perform a smear test with a freezing speculum. She turned to Thea and Luke. 'Perhaps you should go outside again?'

They backed out of the room, like minions at the court of the Sun King.

'This is getting beyond a joke,' Luke growled.

Leanne reappeared.

'Thea, Luke, I am so sorry so sorry. Minnie really doesn't want to do the interview now. You've been kept waiting so long, she thinks you'll give her a hard time.'

'Sorry?' Luke said, as George stuffed his hands in his mouth to contain his mirth.

'Yeah, she was really angry that you'd been kept waiting so long. But she will will give you an interview. Soon.' give you an interview. Soon.'

'Like how soon?' Thea asked. 'Tomorrow?'

Leanne twisted uncomfortably. 'Actually, tomorrow she and Max and little Cristiano are going to Barbados.'

'So the interview's not going to happen?'

325.

'No, no, it will! We'll just have to reschedule.'

Suddenly, Minnie's head popped out from behind the door. 'Sowwy,' she whispered, 'but I'm weally not feeling tho good. But I will do the interview. I pwomise. I always keep my word, don't I, Leanne? By the way, could you make a reservation for me and Max for Rhubarb tonight?'

'Of course, Minnie,' Leanne said instantly. 'What time?'

Minnie yawned. 'Say nine. And call Witchery to say we'll be along later.'

'But it's nearly nine now,' Leanne pointed out. Thea eyed her sympathetically. What was it Gran said about how there was always someone worse off than you?

'Well, ten, then.'

'You couldn't do the interview before you go out for dinner?' Thea tried. 'It will only take half an hour.'

'Sorry.' Minnie shrugged and smiled winsomely. 'We'll just have to take a raincheck. How about next time I'm in London? We're going to be in London some time soon, aren't we, Leanne?'

'You are, Minnie,' Leanne said. Minnie walked out of the room and with a mouthed, 'Sorry', Leanne followed her.

34.

Thea broke the news to Dean from the bedroom of the Balmoral suite, while the rest of the team dismantled the unused lights and cameras, packed away the candelabra and folded up the billowy, white sheets.

'I fly people in from all over the world to interview Minnie Maltravers and she blew you out. Are you taking the p.i.s.s, Thea?'

'She didn't feel well,' Thea said. 'We tried, Dean, honestly. We tried everything. But she just wouldn't play ball. She says she'll do it in London.'

'When will she do it in London?' will she do it in London?'

'I don't know. Some time next week, her PA says. Hopefully.' The last word was whispered.

'She'd f.u.c.king better, Thea. Because this is a joke. Sort it out. Or else.'

Her spirits didn't improve when, at around eleven, their taxi pulled up outside the Hootsmon Hotel. From the website, Thea had hoped for a cutting-edge joint epitomizing minimalist, funky cool. What she got was a shabby unchic building on the outskirts of town with a lobby full of wilting flower arrangements and a blazing fire in the grate, despite the fact it was a warm May night. As they bundled through the door, they were greeted by the strains of 'Hi ho, silver lining' blaring through ancient fire doors.

327.

'It's a wedding,' said the elderly lady at reception, who looked as if she'd wandered out of an Agatha Christie series. 'I do hope they warned you. It might be just a wee bit noisy.'

Luke groaned and smote his forehead with his fist. George rubbed his hands in glee.

The receptionist glared at him over the top of her gla.s.ses, then turned to Thea. 'Your shower's a bit temperamental,' she warned her, handing over a bra.s.s key attached to a wooden plank so hefty it could double as a murder weapon, 'but otherwise it's a very nice room.'

'Is there a mini bar in the room?' George was asking the receptionist.

'No sir. This is a small, family-run establishment. No mini bars. However, the bar is open for the party, but I should respectfully ask you to make it clear you are not an invited guest and to pay for all your drinks.'

'Absolutely.' George smiled, a huge grin spreading across his face. 'Anyone care to join me for a nightcap?'