Part 23 (1/2)
The sea was growing calmer with every hour that pa.s.sed. But it was rough and thunderous still, and its wave-crests gleamed whitely under the starlight. Trafford at last remembered the lateness of the hour, and said, ”Come, Hagar, this is no place for us. We will go in.”
The two slowly made their way along the sh.o.r.e up to the dark and deserted stone house. Hagar smothered the sigh that rose up from her heart as the silence and loneliness smote upon it, and led the way around to her kitchen-door.
”Poor chile! ye habn't had nuffin to eat dis day,” said she, after they were once within her little dominion and she had kindled the fire; ”go into de libr'y, honey, an' I'll hab ye sumfin' purty quick.”
But Trafford shook his head, saying, ”Not there!--not there, yet!” and sat down on the bench by the fire.
Hagar moved wearily about from the cupboard to the table, saying to herself,--
”What ye t'inkin' ob, Hagar, to tell him dat? Dar's all poor Mas'r Noll's books an' t'ings lyin' 'bout eberywhar, an' how ken de poor chile stan' it? De Lord's han' is heaby upon him, an', O good Lord Jesus, jes' come an' bress de poor chile an' sabe him!”
CHAPTER XXIV.
DAYS OF CALM.
He found it at last,--the peace which comes after a long, weary, despairing struggle. But it was not easily won. It seemed to Trafford as if G.o.d had hidden himself in a thick, awful darkness, through which not the faintest ray of light or hope could glimmer upon his heavy, despairing heart. He sought for him as one who, feeling himself in the grasp of Death, would seek for Life. He had long rejected him and put him away; now, in his hour of anguish and extremity, his face and his peace were hard to find. Never had such utter silence reigned in the stone house since its occupancy as reigned there now. Hagar kept mostly within her own province, and Trafford sat day after day in the dining-room, hardly stirring from thence. He had not entered the library since the night of the s.h.i.+pwreck, neither had Hagar stepped within the room, where all Noll's books and sh.e.l.ls and treasures gathered from the sea lay, and where everything hinted of the sunny, joyous life which once had made the great room cheerful. Neither looked within, as if they dreaded to recall the dear and pleasant vision of the curly-haired boy who had lived and studied there. These were the days in which Trafford groped in darkness and despondency.
Hagar set the table by his side, and brought him his meals, and carried away the untasted viands, with much sighing and regret, but, nevertheless, with joy in her heart.
”'Pears as ef 'twas a drefful t'ing fur de poor chile ter be suff'rin'
so,” she would sigh to herself as she watched his worn and heavy face on her pa.s.sages through the room; ”but Hagar's t'ankful 'nough to see it, 'cause de poor chile'll find de Lord bimeby. Bress de Lord! Mas'r d.i.c.k'll find him some time!”
A long and weary week pa.s.sed away. Without, the world had never been fairer, nor the sea lovelier. No storms lashed it, and the great world of waves glittered calm and untroubled under the sun, with no hint of death or woe in its purple evening lights or its bright morning gleams.
Then, after this long seeking, a faint hope began to dawn in Trafford's heart. He did not dare to give it heed or trust at first,--he who had been in despair so long,--and when, at last, he began to put forth feeble, trembling antic.i.p.ations of the peace and joy which might come when G.o.d's smile and forgiveness shone upon him, this little ray of hope broadened and grew warmer and brighter, and he began to look up out of his depths of anguish. It was long coming,--it seemed at times to be utterly unattainable,--it was sometimes almost within his heart, and then it fled from him; but at last it came, and abode with him,--this peace which a poor, wandering soul feels after it has found its Lord. Then he was at rest. He came out into Hagar's kitchen one suns.h.i.+ny afternoon, and, in answer to the old negress'
look of wonder and surprise at seeing him there, said, with a grave joy thrilling his words,--
”Hagar, I have found him; and I do not think that his peace will ever leave me, or that my heart will ever forget him.”
Hagar got up off the bench where she was sitting, and came slowly forward, saying, brokenly, ”Bress de Lord, bress de Lord! dat's all Hagar ken say. Oh, chile, ef ye knew how dis ole heart felt ter hear ye say dem words! ef ye only c'u'd know! But ye nebber will till dis ole woman gits such a tongue as de Lord'll gib her when she gets ter heaben. Den Hagar ken tell ye!”
She followed him to the door, and sat down there in the suns.h.i.+ne, softly blessing him again and again as she watched him follow the thread of a path which led around to the piazza. Trafford paused here, on the smooth sand by the piazza-steps, and looked out upon the sea. It was like a new sea, and the very earth seemed not as of old, for now G.o.d reigned over them, and it was his suns.h.i.+ne which fell so brightly and broadly everywhere, and his smile and the knowledge of his forgiveness which filled his heart with such utter peace and tranquillity. This great joy and calm held him quiet for a little s.p.a.ce, and, when he turned about, his eyes fell upon the little breadth of gra.s.s waving there by the step. One or two gay, crimson asters nodded in the warm wind, planted there by the same hand that watered and cared for the bit of turf. Trafford sat down by them, stroking the turf's green blades, and gazing at the warm-hued flowers through tears. ”Gone--gone,” they seemed to whisper as they softly rustled. Somehow these tender, soulless things brought up the boy's memory most vividly. He remembered how Noll sat on the same bit of turf only those two short weeks ago with the warm wind blowing his curly locks about his eyes while he looked off upon the sea. Who thought of danger or death then? Who thought of death lying in wait in that calm, shadowy sea? Trafford's tears fell thick and fast upon the green blades, thinking of the lad. Did ever the sea quench a fairer, brighter life? he wondered,--a life fuller of rich and generous promise? Yet, only two short weeks ago,--short, in reality, but slow and long in pa.s.sing,--the boy had sat upon this little breadth of verdure full of life and spirits and happiness.
”Ah!” sighed he, ”I knew not a treasure I possessed till it pa.s.sed from me. Now that I have lost it, I see what a blissful life I might have made for myself and it. G.o.d forgive me! but I was harsh and cruel to the boy. I made his life darker and less joyous than it ought to have been.”
He sat here for a long time, till once more his face was calm and undisturbed. Sometime, he thought, he might meet the boy face to face, and tell him all that his heart longed to unburden itself of. He rose up, at last, and went slowly in, pausing at the library-door. After a few seconds of indecision, he opened it, and went softly in. The room was cold and chilly from its long unoccupancy; but through one of the high windows, and along the floor, streamed a broad bar of cheerful sunlight. It fell right across Noll's study-table and the chair which he was wont to occupy. Trafford moved forward, sat down in the chair, and looked about him with misty eyes. Traces of the boy's presence everywhere! The familiar school-books, open to the last lessons which Trafford had heard him recite; bits of paper, with sums and solutions traced thereon; copies of the fine and feathery sea-moss, which it was the boy's delight to gather, with odd pebbles and sh.e.l.ls, met his gaze on either hand. He took up a sc.r.a.p of paper from among the rest, and found something thereon which the boy had written, evidently in an idle moment. Trafford, however, read it not without emotion. It merely said:--
”_Wednes., Aug. 24._--This is a long, gray, rainy day, and I have not stirred out of the house. I am at this moment (or ought to be) studying my Latin lesson. Uncle Richard has not spoken a word to me since breakfast. I wish I knew what made him look so grim and sober to-day, and I _do_ wish he would speak to me. When the fog lifted just now, I fancied I saw a s.h.i.+p on the horizon, bound for Hastings, I suppose. Oh, but I--”
Here the slight record was broken off. Perhaps the boy had gone back to his Latin, or perhaps the pa.s.sing s.h.i.+p had taken his thoughts along with it to Hastings, and thus left the half-commenced exclamation unfinished. Trafford read and reread the little bit of paper, and folded it carefully, and put it away with the precious letter which the boy's father had written on his dying-bed. Then he began to gather up Noll's books, thinking to put them out of his sight, but stopped before he had taken the third in his hand. Why hide them? Why shut them up in darkness, as if some evil, dreaded memory were connected with the sight of them? Had not everything about the boy and his life been bright and pleasant to think of? He put the books back in their places, saying to himself, ”They shall stay where they are.
Hagar shall not move them, and I will have them before my eyes alway, just as his dear hands left them? Why should I try to hide aught that his blessed memory lingers around?”
So he left everything just as Noll's hands had placed them last, and rose up from his chair, and went to his old familiar seat by the great bookcase, where he had sat and pored over great volumes day after day, and watched the boy at his studies. The portrait on the wall looked down at him with its soft and tender eyes, and he thought, ”Now I may look at it without its reproaching me; for, dear heart, I have begun to 'come up.' I have turned my eyes toward thy abode, and, G.o.d helping me, I may some day hear thy own sweet voice. And though I may never see the boy's face, and rejoice to look upon it as I do upon thine, yet his pure memory lingers about everything that he loved and touched, and his face can never be removed from my heart.”
Calm and peaceful days pa.s.sed, and the third week after the s.h.i.+pwreck went by, and life in the stone house began to move on as it was wont to do. Once more the red light from the library-window streamed out into the night, but there was no Skipper Ben and his ”Gull” for it to guide. Not a sail had been seen near the Rock, and its inhabitants had been shut out from the rest of mankind for three long weeks. That which at first was only an inconvenience grew to be a serious matter at last. The Culm folk, never very provident, exhausted their supply of flour and meal, and had only fish to eat; and fish, with a little salt, was not an extensive nor varied bill of fare.
In some way or another, Hagar discovered that the people had exhausted all their stores, and through her it came to Trafford's ears.